How to Stop Being a Perfectionist

Perfectionism blocks happiness in your life and progress in your career.  With this post, I’m going to provide you with the tools to stop perfectionism in its tracks.  I’ll explain how to get rid of perfectionism once and for all, so that you can be happier in your life and even more of a badass in your career.    

1)         Realize that you are not your mistakes.

“You make mistakes. Mistakes don’t make you.” – Maxwell Maltz

A key to stopping perfectionism is to experience mistakes you make at work (or in your personal life) as something that does not define who you are as a person.  Mistakes do not detract from your worth in any way.  Your worth is inherent. 

Perfectionism, and equating yourself and self-worth with your mistakes looks like, “I missed that deadline.  I’m a failure.  I can’t do anything right.”  Conversely, separating yourself from your mistakes looks like, “I missed the deadline, but that’s doesn’t make me a failure.” Notice the difference in how you feel when you say those two things. 

Practice separating your inner worth from your outer accomplishments.  Do this by using the softer version of the self-talk described above.  By reinforcing the idea that you are worthy no matter what and despite your mistakes, you will actually be able to move on from mistakes faster and find creative solutions to problems.  Why?  Because, you’ll have more mental energy (energy you’ve saved by not beating yourself up) to look objectively at your mistakes and to find ways to avoid making them again.

2)         Progress, not perfection.

“A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.” – General George S. Patton

Perfectionists maintain the mindset that says, “if things aren’t done absolutely perfectly, then they aren’t worth doing at all.”  This thought pattern is corrosive in so many ways, but it is especially damaging to moving forward in your career.  In order to move forward, you have to be willing put forth work that might be less than perfect. 

You might be asking, “Why?” “Isn’t that going to hurt me?” “Won’t my clients think I’m terrible?”  “Won’t my boss think I’m dumb?”  The real answer 9 times out of 10 is no.  That negative view of your work is all in your head.  But even if your work isn’t perfect, you are getting it out there!  You’re moving things forward.  You’re failing if you need to but at least your making progress and learning from your mistakes. 

This concept of progress not perfection is especially important if you’re an attorney whose career is based on being a self-starter, volunteering to be put on case, and creating self-imposed deadlines.  If you keep missing those self-imposed deadlines (or not setting them at all) because you believe your work isn’t where it should be, the cumulative effect of those actions and decisions will be that your career remains stagnant.   

So, take that action, set that deadline and stick to it no matter what lies your mind tells you.  You will move your career forward at a level I promise you will blow your own mind. 

Remind yourself of the wise words of Elizabeth Gilbert in Big Magic:  “Done is better than good.” 

3)         Set failure as a goal and get really good at it.

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy

Yes, I really mean this.  Set failure as a goal.  Why?  Because honestly, if you’re not failing at all in your career, you most likely aren’t taking risks, putting yourself out there, or learning and growing. 

I’m not talking about trying to tank a case or writing a brief extremely badly; I’m talking about deliberately taking on new roles, big clients, and challenging cases.  I’m talking about deliberately making yourself uncomfortable by challenging yourself and not being afraid of making a mistake.  This truly will lead to growth and learning.  As anyone who has ever made a mistake in the courtroom or got yelled at by a judge knows, that mistake is seared in your brain forever and you will never make it again.  Because you learned from it.

Once you get a couple failures under your belt, you will realize that the whole world didn’t fall apart when you make a mistake as you suspected.  You’ll come to actually look forward to failing because it will be proof that you’re trying, learning, and growing. 

4)         Realized that you don’t have to be perfect to be lovable.

Nothing and no one is perfect.  In fact, perfection is an illusion.  There is no arbiter of what is perfect and what isn’t.  Perfect is just a construct of your mind that keeps you from being happy. 

Harboring the belief that you have to be perfect to be loveable is not only not true, but it will stop you from feeling love for yourself or others.  Because perfectionism is a place that you’ll actually never, ever, reach. 

You could try to change your believe to “I’m perfect,” and that might make you feel better temporarily, but would you even want to?  Who wants to be around someone who literally thinks they’re perfect?

Think of your dog, for instance.  There are probably so many things about your dog that might not be ideal, starting with the fact that he sh*ts in public and doesn’t pick it up himself, but does that make him any less loveable? 

Or think of your best friend.  She might be the most neurotic person in the world, but you love her because of the feeling you get when you’re around her, or that unspeakable connection, and her neuroses are endearing.  

Start appreciating yourself for who you are – flaws and all.

5)         Understand that perfection does not exist.

“One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn't exist...Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist” – Stephen Hawking

And there you have it. Even a scientist is telling you that perfect does not exist. 

Perfect is a word we’ve invented in the English language – it’s a concept, and a subjective construct of our minds, not a reality.  There is no god of the legal world that determines when you’ve written the “perfect” brief or when your closing argument is flawless. 

Now, does this mean that you should not strive to put out fantastic work product?  No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. 

What I am saying is that focusing on a concept that does not actually exist and that you will never achieve takes your brain’s focus away from growth and improvement in your work and your life.  Take risks, make mistakes, put your work out there, and realize that you’ll fail along the way, but that in the long run, if you keep trying and failing, your growth will be exponentially larger. 

And there you have it. Now get out there and start f*cking up!