Conquering Imposter Syndrome

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." — Eleanor Roosevelt

Impostor syndrome is generally defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud.  It’s a term that’s commonly associated with high-achieving women who, despite their proven track records for success, believe that their success is a fluke, or that they’ve somehow tricked people in order to achieve it.  

But I want to tell you that imposter syndrome is not actually a syndrome.  It’s not something that’s out of your control.  Why?  Because it’s comprised of your own thoughts, and those things - those thoughts - we control.  Not anybody else. 

Imposter syndrome is made up of thoughts like, “I don’t deserve to be here,” “I will be found out as a fraud once they really see me,” “I’m not smart enough to have this job,” and “I just lucked out by accomplishing [fill in the blank achievement].”  Imposter syndrome is comprised of thoughts that constantly dismiss your achievements as luck or chance, even despite strong evidence to the contrary.  At bottom, it’s thoughts that cause you to feel unworthy.  

These thoughts that comprise imposter syndrome – as much as you’ve convinced yourself that they’re true – are a lie.  

I’ll give you an example of how pernicious and illogical imposter syndrome thoughts can be.  At times in my career, I’ve felt unworthy of working at the Department of Justice.  And one of the reasons my brain used to justify this feeling of unworthiness was that I didn’t attend an Ivy League law school like many of my colleagues.  Contrast that with the fact that I know there are attorneys out there – probably many of whom work for the Department just like myself – who did in fact attend Ivy League law schools.  And I know that some of those attorneys are telling themselves that they just got the job – the same job that I have – solely because of where they went to school (not because of their abilities).  I believed I was unworthy because I didn’t go to Harvard; they believed they were unworthy because they did.  It’s totally illogical.  But our brains are not logical.  Imposter syndrome isn’t logical or reasonable, it’s just your brain throwing you thoughts - lies - that produce the feeling of unworthiness.  But I have good news – you don’t have play ball.  You don’t have to catch those thoughts. 

Imposter syndrome is so powerful that it’s affected even the most objectively successful women. For example, Meta Platforms (formerly Facebook) COO Sheryl Sandberg, who literally wrote a book about women leading, and embracing their careers, has said, “There are still days I wake up feeling like a fraud, not sure I should be where I am.”  

Michelle Obama, despite being ranked by Gallup as the most admired woman in America three years in a row, said, “I still have a little impostor syndrome… It doesn’t go away, that feeling that you shouldn’t take me that seriously. What do I know? I share that with you because we all have doubts in our abilities, about our power and what that power is.”

You might be wondering why you’re experiencing imposter syndrome.  There are many causes, including ingrained thought patterns, messages from your parents during childhood, or general struggles with self-confidence.  But to discuss imposter syndrome without addressing society’s role in it would be an error.  

Women, and especially minority women, are still viewed by society (including, unfortunately, sometimes by one another) as less intelligent, less competent, and less deserving of certain leadership positions than men.  Moreover, men are able to see role models that look and act like them every day, whereas, because there are relatively fewer woman and especially minority women in leadership positions, women are not only less likely to see women in power, but they are also less likely to have strong female mentors to guide them along the paths of their careers.  Women are in general, judged more harshly and made to feel as if they must act and behave like men in order to be leaders. But, at the same time, women are told both implicitly and explicitly not to live too big, and not to be too bold or too assertive. Although some of messages are lessening with time, there is still a long way to go and their effects are still real on women in the legal profession and in every other field.  All of this societal feedback lends itself to imposter syndrome thoughts.  When we think of it this way, working on an individual level to conquer these thoughts is a feminist act in itself, reserved only for true badasses (which you are).    

Now, I want to focus on getting you out of your imposter syndrome thoughts.  Imposter syndrome isn’t an illness or disease – it’s not something that’s incurable.  It’s simply a collection of thoughts about yourself that you have the ability to change.  New thoughts are something imposter syndrome expert, Dr. Valerie Young, also recommends.  She says “if you want to stop feeling like an imposter, you have to stop thinking like an imposter.”  Check out her website, impostersyndrome.com.   

I can hear some of you resisting. “But I don’t think I need to change my thoughts.  I think if I just get that next [fill in the blank achievement / job / promotion] then my imposter syndrome will disappear.  Then, I will have truly proven to myself that I’m good enough.”  Don’t fall into this trap.  That’s not the way our brains work.  The thought patterns that create imposter syndrome don’t magically disappear when you get that promotion.  It might help, but only temporarily.  If you’re basing your worth on outside achievements, you’re setting yourself up for failure in the long run because your brain will always find a reason why we’re unworthy until you change that believe from the inside out. 

The only way to get out of imposter syndrome is to change your thoughts.  This is possible, using a thought work concept called Ladder Thoughts.  It’s a four step process that I promise you works to change your thoughts permanently if you practice it.  

Step 1: Identify the negative thought you’re having, and put it at the bottom of the ladder.  You can do this repeatedly with different thoughts, but each thought should be a separate ladder.  Write down the thought. For instance, your thought might be, “I don’t deserve this job.” 

Step 2: Identify the thought that you would ideally like to have.  It’s your goal thought (not one that you can believe now.)  Going with the above example, that thought might be, “I deserve my success.”   

Step 3: Come up with a ladder thought, that is, a thought that is somewhere between your negative thought and your goal thought.  In this example, it might be, “They hired me for a reason,” or, maybe something even more neutral like, “I have this job.”  You could also try something like, “I’m open to believing that I deserve to be here.”  The important thing is that you actually believe the thought.  You’ll know that you believe the thought if you feel good or at least neutral when you think it. 

Step 4:  Practice the new thought.  Write it down in your journal, stick it on a post-it note, write it in the notes section of your phone.  Whatever works for you.

Try it! You’ll be amazed at how you actually do have the ability to form new thoughts and beliefs.  

Finally, the concept of imposter syndrome has come under some fire lately. In an article published by the Harvard Business Review called “Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome,” by Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey, the authors argue that the problem is one of sexism and racism, and their manifestations in the workplace, and that impostor syndrome puts the onus on women to fix sexism and racism instead of examining problems in society at large and asking them to change.  The authors write that impostor syndrome does not account “for the historical and cultural contexts that are foundational to how it manifests in both women of color and white women. Imposter syndrome directs our view toward fixing women at work instead of fixing the places where women work.”  I am the last person to disagree that things need to change in the workplace.  BUT, even if sexism and racism were eradicated tomorrow, our brains would still find reasons to make us feel unworthy.  And the reality is that these things do exist in the world, and admitting that and finding ways to train our brains to deal with it gives us our power back.  Changing your thoughts and your dialogue with yourself will allow you to take action in the world, whether that action is working towards societal change, or becoming an example to other women of strength. 

Along these lines, if you are a woman who has self-confidence, or who has conquered imposter syndrome, let it show and be known.  I’m not talking about bragging or thinking you’re better than someone else.  That’s not confidence, that’s arrogance.  But being proud of yourself and letting is show is a gift not only to yourself, but to other women who might need a little shot of confidence themselves.